Roll Away

Probably the biggest milestone to come out of our household this weekend was that Nicholas, unattended, assisted, and unprovoked, rolled over. All along, he's been real uncertain (for lack of a better term) about rolling over. If you put him on his stomach, he didn't have any trouble flipping back over to his back. But starting from his back, he would use his feet to turn his waist that way, but the 'bottom' arm kinda got in his way, and I guess he figured that it was too much effort to overcome it, because he'd usually go right back to the position he started in.

Last night, Leah and I were chilling out at home, sitting on the couch and chaise lounge; Nicholas was in the floor in front of us, laying on a quilt that we frequently spread out for him. Out of the blue, he rolls from his back to his stomach, and actually continued rolling the same direction, back to his back. Probably not 10 minutes later, he did it again. Leah was very excited, and she raced to get his baby book to write down today's date as the "official" date that he first rolled over. With some coaxing, he might've done it a handful of times in the past, but never alone and unassisted.

I remember several weeks ago, I was over at Stacy & Mike's (parents of Abby, who is 9 1/2 weeks Nicholas's senior), and Abby had recently started to roll over. It was almost as if she had learned a new trick and had become very good at it. They layed her down, and said that in just a few seconds, she'd flip right over. Almost on cue, she did it. Nicholas isn't really to that point, but perhaps he will be. I think that Christy, our babysitter, works with him a great deal as far as floor and "tummy" time, so maybe he'll get lots of practice of his newfound ability. Of course, he has also started to express his desire to stand up, so we've wondered, albeit facetiously, if his desire is to skip crawling and go straight to walking (does that even happen?!).

It just dawned on me that we'll always be able to remember the first day Nicholas rolled over--Leah's very first Mother's Day.

Reality Check . . . Do You Take Installments?

I knew that the whole childbirth process was gonna be expensive, but we've just been blindsided by Blue Cross/Blue Shield to the point where it almost seems it would be CHEAPER to NOT have insurance on Nicholas this year and sign him up after his first birthday.

Everybody knows how basic insurance policies work: Most are 90%/10% or 80/20 or something like that. Of course, you have your annual deductible--something like $300 or $500 that must be paid first before the 80/20 stuff starts kicking in. But alas, hidden in the deep, dark, illogical corner of the benefits guide, without any provision for newborns and infants, is apparently something called a maximum wellness benefit.

The first sign that something was up was a bill from the pediatricians office not long after his first round of shots (8 weeks). Something to the tune of 400 bucks or something. Then we got the EOB from the insurance company, and as I analyzed it, I noticed that SOME of the charges from that day were paid, while others were not. I called. "Your maximum wellness benefit is $200." OK, so what about babies, and shots? 200 dollars max. So once the insurance company pays that 200 for any expenses that are flagged as "wellness", well, the rest is 100% up to Mommy and Daddy. How crazy is this? A baby is supposed to go to the doctor at 2 months, 4 months, 6 months, and a year. Most shots occur before the 2nd birthday. While I realize that the average John Doe doesn't show up at his doctor's office and say, "I'm feeling quite nice today--and I wish to see a doctor!!" and thus the $200 limit is never really an issue, surely there must be some sort of provision for babies during their first year. Nope. Sorry, dude...It all comes down the specific company's contract.

So Nicholas's 4-month appointment was 3/21. Would you like to hear the breakdown of this visit? $123 for the doctor to examine. OK, no prob--doc went to school for that. He had four shots--costing $98, $60, $51, and $118. Oh yeah, each injection carries an "admin fee" of $25 for another $100. If you're not adding that up, let me do the math for you: $550, all totally uncovered by insurance. So now we're running up a tab that's over a grand. Nice. Heck, with two more similar trips (6 months, 1 year), we might bust 2 grand!!! Now, here's where the logic really breaks down for me.

We're paying approximately $100/month for Nicholas's coverage on our insurance. So for $1200/year, this coverage is getting us, let's see...........$200 in wellness coverage. Why bother?? So let's assume that we end up paying $2000 to the Pediatrics East and $1200 to Blue Cross/Blue Shield, that means that we'll be out $3200 for insurance coverage that saved us $200. Wow, I guess I can't be ALL that mad--there was that one prescription........

Food, Progress, and Allergies

We've reached the 5-month plateau, which is one month away from being halfway to a year. "Wow" is really all I can say. So I figured it was time for a much needed update, especially given the incessant urging (read: nagging) from the likes of my wife and a co-worker (Hello, Michelle!)

The food and feeding has clearly become Leah's department, which I'm OK with. First of all, I'm at Kroger 3-4 nights a week, and it makes it really hard to feed our son when I'm hawking money orders or sending Western Union payments to Guatemala or strapping 20-dollar bills and dropping them into the safe. So anyway, it's kind of good thing that Leah's kind of taken over, because I'm not sure Nicholas wouldn't be the victim of rigorous record-keeping and tough decision making when it comes to what's being served if I was in charge. "Wait, he had peas 4 days ago--we can't give him that! Let's try beans, but according to my chart, he spit them out the last time he ate them."

We started jar foods at 4 months. Dr. Scott's little process involves yellow or orange veggies for 3 days (to spot allergies). And then green one (I think) for another 3. Then back to a yellow or orange one--this time, a different one. And so on and so on until he's had the entire "Stage 2" menu (stage 1 is basically the same stuff, but the jars are smaller). But we noticed quickly that there was a lot more of one category than the other. Add to that the fact that Nicholas expressed extreme dislike early on for a thing or two, it was like our choices were dwindling, yet we wanted to adhere to Dr. Scott's wishes. That's where my problem came in--I, being of analytical, "we-must-follow-the-directions-explicitly" mindset, got really flustered when it seemed that we were deviating. Not that the "parents police" were gonna report me or anything, but what seemed very logical and straight-forward on paper turned out to be a bit of a challenge in the "real world."

Now Nicholas's appetite seems to be really growing. Currently he eats two 'meals'--breakfast, which is kiddie oatmeal and formula, as well as dinner--which is the aforementioned baby food selections. By now we've included such things as mixed veggies and even fruits, but meats aren't supposed to come until later (6 months, I think). Yesterday, Nicholas had something like a 3 oz bottle within an hour or so of eating, and later in the day had an 8 oz bottle--I don't know if he's ever drunk that much at one time. I don't think you can overfeed them at this age, and I suppose we should feed him until he appears to be satisfied. But sometimes it seems like we're shooting at a moving target.

I'm already finding myself wondering when Nicholas will do stuff, and wondering how he compares to the rest of America. You always hear stuff like "They should start sitting up at X months" or "Reaching begins at X months." I know that every child is different, and I certainly don't want to spend my life comparing him to other kids, but I think part of it is absolutely natural--Wouldn't we want to spot some sort of shortcoming, problem, or deficiency as early as possible? The Exersaucer that we have says that it's for age 4 months and up, yet a month ago, he was not even close to being ready to sit in it. It wasn't until last night, when Leah said that our babysitter puts him in the one that she has--with the assistance of a blanket or towel--that we tried Nicholas in it (he did OK). Also last night, Leah opened the box for his little bath seat, that is both a padded ring for him to sit in as well as an "armrest" for the edge of the tub. The instructions say something like, "Not to be used until infant can sit up unassisted (approximately 5 months of age). Well, Nicholas is 5 months (and 5 days!) and he can't quite keep his balance long enough to do it more than 2 or 3 seconds. Another example is rolling over--he doesn't really do it. Actually, he does it in reverse: if you put him on his stomach, he has no problems returning to his back. Yet he rolls 2/3 of the way over from his back to his tummy (pretty much rotates his hips and tries to let his upper body follow), and kinda gives up since that bottom arm prevents him from getting all the way over. I'm thinking to myself, "What's the deal? Is every other 5 month old in America rolling over regularly?" Oh well, one day I'm gonna wish he was that small.

We also discovered (the hard way) that Nicholas is allergic to something in Johnson & Johnson's bath soap. We had had some issues with him breaking out and having some redness on his chest, but for one, it never really seemed to bother him. And two, at Dr. Scott's suggestion, we changed formula. Initially we had not changed the formula (because he didn't eat as much of it and fussed more than he ever had), but did change his soap, added a moisturizing lotion, and stuff like that. Well, once all of that seemed to do little good with the rash, we decided to tough it out and go to the formula that Dr. Scott had suggested. Actually, Nicholas took to it better this time, and the redness and rash was gone in a matter of a couple of days. I made the suggestion for us to try going back to the Johnson & Johnson's, since it was apparently the formula that was causing the problem (sounds logical, right?!)

Oh boy. Leah and I both could've cried, had we tried hard enough. Leah was bathing him, and I was in the other room. All of a sudden, I hear him go from calm to crying in about 1.3 seconds. I thought maybe he had slipped, or hit his arm or head or something, and was just upset. I said, "What happened?" Leah came out of the bathroom with Nicholas wrapped in a towel, and said, "He's allergic something in the Johnson and Johnson's." No sooner had she washed and rinsed his chest, it instantly turned red and he started making this rubbing/scratching motion his hands and let out the cries that I had heard. We grabbed some ointment and tried to blow on his chest--anything to stop the hurting. Meanwhile, he was crying profusely--not has hard as when he got shots or anything, but very much annoyed and hurting. What a crushing, horrible feeling--knowing that your baby is hurting because of something that we did inadvertently. Obviously it wan't on purpose, and I'm sure there will be other similar occurrences in the future, but how very helpless we felt. I absolutely could've cried--seeing him lay right there on his changing table, hurting. Luckily, we got him calmed down and the redness went away pretty quickly. We kind of hate it, too--Johnson and Johnson's products are our favorites, and Leah always wanted to have an entire aresenal of their lotions, creams, soaps, and shampoo. Oh well.

Give Me One More Shot

4 months. Wow--has it been that long? And no, I'm not talking about since I've updated my blog, but rest assured that there is at least some amount of self-inflicted guilt for not having updated it. As soon as I felt myself slipping, I tried to make mental note of everything that I need to write about. As time kept ticking, I knew that it would take longer and longer to fully try and summarize the time gap. Anyway, I guess I'll start with this, and fill in other stuff as I go along. Better plug the blogging hole sometime, right?

Today is March 21--4 months since little Nicholas came into our lives. Anybody with a little one (or a good recollection of their child's first year) knows that 4 months is a 'milestone' of sorts--a visit to the doctor for checkup and shots.

Leah took Nicholas to his first 'real' appointment, which was the first round of shots. She described the blood-curdling cry, and how much it affected her (to the point of tears) that there really wasn't anything that she could do to comfort him at that very instant. Both of us were with Nicholas this time, so I guess this was my initiation into parenthood at the hands of a nurse and 4 syringes.

First of all, you have the growth measurements. Head size, weight, and length (aka height, but I guess you only use that terminology if the measuree can stand up). Head size is in the 50th percentile, weight (13 lbs, 12 oz) is in the 25th percentile, and his height, er, length (24 1/4 in) is in the 50th percentile. All of these are perfectly OK and normal. At this point in the game, as long as they're growing, it's cool; there isn't really any "he's a little chubby--lay off the formula a little bit" type of thing.

We also had some concerns about a small amount of irritiation that Nicholas seems to be getting under his chin, on his chest, and even in his diaper area. Dr. Scott asked all the normal stuff about allergies, what detergent we're using, and all of that. Nicholas has been drooling a lot more in recent weeks, so we just hoped it was some sort of heat rash that is exacerbated by the moisture of his clothes after he soaks them real good with slobber. Dr. Scott suggested one of several different types of moisturizing creams/ointments, and even suggested a change in formula--apparently there are elements to the Enfamil Lipil that we're on now that aren't present in the Nestle GoodStart. Being that we just dropped $30 at Sam's for a big can of formula, we're gonna try the other remedies while we're finishing up the formula that we already have. Obviously this sort of stuff is simply an educated guess, and these treatments are admittedly an agressive way to stop the skin irritation.

On to the shots. I guess somewhere along the way, the nurses realize that waiting until the very end of the appointment was the best and only way to do it. After getting shown to the exam room, the nurse came in first to do the aforementioned measurements. Then we waited for Dr. Scott. He did his thing, asked his questions, made his notes, and said, "See ya next time." Then came the nurse, once again, holding an open palm with 4 syringes. All of this time, Nicholas had been AWESOME, especially given the amount of time that we had to wait to see Dr. Scott. He laid on the table and kicked, talked, cooed, laughed (in his 4-month old way), looked in the mirror, etc. He was beginning to get a bit fussy, so we fixed a small bottle, which he was starting on when the nurse walked in. I had to flip him around so that this legs were pointed the other way (i.e., toward the nurse) and she swabbed his thighs with alcohol or whatever. I was holding his arms and happened to be glancing at his legs when she stuck him with the first needle. Honest to god, I've never ever heard my son cry that hard. Ever. What struck me, I guess, was the fact that this seemingly long needle disappeared completely into his leg. I guess that's just standard shot-giving technique, but it seemed like an awfully long needle to be going completely into his small little leg. Two sticks in one leg......and two sticks in the other leg. Nicholas's entire face and head were blood-red, and he was crying and exhaling so much, there was this long pause before he inhaled again. It just seems so cruel, you know. But I know it's very, very necessary. You know, when he's 2 or 3 or 7, you can explain what's going on. And tell him that it's so he won't get very sick. And even though it may hurt a little, at least he'll be expecting it. With this, it's entirely different. He's laying on the table, very content. Sucking a bottle, which we gently take out of his mouth. And he's stuck 4 consecutive times and probably experiences more pain that what he's ever felt before. I know it won't traumatize him. I know he won't remember it. I know he won't call the authorities and accuse us of abuse. And I know that situations like this are only the beginning. But it was very, very tough seeing him that upset. Tough love is only gonna get tougher, I'm sure.

Back to the Routine

Well, today was the day that both of us had pretty much been dreading since the minute Nicholas was born--dropping him off at a sitter's house.

Leah's 6 weeks were up, and she received clearance last week to return to work this week. Yesterday was a holiday, so today was the first day of her work week. In addition, the tellers have to be there earlier than normal following a holiday because of more things to do and count and such since they weren't open for business the day before. What does all this mean? Mommy went straight to work, and Daddy got to take the little man to his new daytime home.

I must say that it was tougher than I thought it would be. Even though I was driving a different route, and I knew that Nicholas was in the back seat, I don't think my heart really got the memo. It really and truly didn't kick in until I turned into the subdivision. Yes, we've left him with someone for more than 8-10 hours before, but this just seemed different. I thought about how the morning routine is now forever changed....I guess after time it will be the "norm", but for now it seems weird. We're now committed to a whole new set of expenses in the form of childcare. I wonder how that's gonna affect our checkbook. All these things were running through my mind as I drove the few extra miles to the sitter's house.

Obviously this morning's introduction won't occur every day--she asked if he slept on his back or tummy, and things like that. I told her that he doesn't have to have warm formula (room temperature is OK), he likes sleeping on his side, and it's perfectly OK to lay him down and let him fall asleep on his own. She will soon learn his personality and all of his little signals, quirks, and nuances. But it felt like I was trying to sum up the last 6 weeks of experience in a short, 5-minute introduction to our son. Leah and I feel like we have an "easy" baby--he isn't hard to please and as long as he's clean/dry and full, he's pretty low-maintenance and not hard to please. She said that it seems like she's gotten lucky with all of these easy-to-care-for babies, and I hope that she still agrees with that in about 6 month's time.

So after all the introductions and instructions came the hard part: leaving. I guess I kinda figured that my masculinity would trump fatherhood, and that I'd "be a man" and walk casually out of the door. Well, parenthood does funny things to your emotions, I've learned. As she held him, I leaned over and kissed him on the head like I had done 30 times (at least) this morning already. I told him I loved him and that his mommy would pick him up later, as if he could understand every syllable. I was fighting back tears at that point, and I knew I had to leave. Today is the hardest, I told myself, because from now on, I'll have the experience of having done it before. I walked out of the door and started the short journey to my truck which seemed like it was a mile long. I had a very short, but very sad cry. I was leaving our baby. All along, we knew it was coming. But nothing can ever prepare you for it. I can hardly wait until he's old enough to understand where he's going, and maybe even look forward to his little set of friends that he'll have over there. And that the reason he's going there is because Mom and Dad have to work in order to pay for our house with his room and his jungle gym with slide and a little pool to splash around when it's hot. Those conversations are a long ways off, I know. But for now, I just hope that he understands, isn't too shocked by his new surroundings, and knows how very, very much Leah and I adore and love him.

2005 - Looking Back

Today, Nicholas is 6 weeks old. Wow. 6 weeks ago at this very moment, I was beginning what would be the most excruciatingly painful, yet one of the most joyous, days of my entire life. Let's see, at 8:00AM, Leah's water had been broken, and that's about it.

Anyway, I started thinking about the ups and downs of last year. Yes, we had a precious baby boy, but there was so much to the story beyond that. Of course, people always ask you soon after walking down the aisle, "So...when are you gonna have a baby?" Leah's mom joked that she was gonna bring a pregnancy test to the airport when she and my mom picked us up from our flight home from our honeymoon. But behind the scenes, we were trying. Without success. We changed doctors. At one point (in '04, actually) we thought we were pregnant, only to be told that Leah probably had some sort of hormone condition that was preventing it. Then after bloodwork, we were told that she didn't have it (she really did, we would later find out). Hmm, maybe our timing was just off. "Just quit trying," everyone says. Well, sooner or later, the questions get more and more repetitive--"When are you gonna have a baby?" While you really don't wanna play the martyr and say stuff like, "Well, we're doing the best we can" or "We're having problems, if you wanna know the truth," the reality of it is, that IS the truth. But here is a snapshot of the last year and a half or so, and why Nicholas's arrival was that much more of a blessing.

Aug '04 - Leah thinks she might be pregnant. I go to the doctor with her, all the while thinking, "Wow...In a few minutes, I might hear the words that's gonna change my life." A jillion things went through my mind that day--until I hear the word, "No." They also tell Leah that she might have something called Polycystic Ovary Syndrome--basically a condition that can affect hormones, your cycle, fertility, and even your appearance. PCOS is the most common hormone-related reproductive problem in women, according to the U.S Department of Health and Human Services website. Anyway, the doctor's office later informs her that her bloodwork is normal, and that everything is A-OK.

Sept - Dec '04 - We are trying to count days, make estimates, etc. and really thinking that we're gonna be parents soon. In December, Kristi finds out that she's pregnant. Uh oh, how's Leah gonna take this?

Jan '05 - After getting fed up with unreturned calls and basically an unresponsive staff, Leah's changes doctor's groups. Not just doctors--she now changes to a different set of OB/GYN's entirely. Dr. Bannister says something like, "Well, it's like this. You have something called PCOS. Your chances of conceiving on your own are about 1%." Wait a minute, weren't we told 4-5 months ago that she DIDN'T have this?!?! Suddenly, it feels like those other nincompoops have stolen 5 months from us by misdiagnosing this. Also, Leah's friend and co-worker, Stacy, finds out that she's pregnant. Uh oh, how much more of this can Leah take? The pain of unsuccess had to find of facade of happiness and elation for two people that Leah was very close to. January is also when I started this blog, unbeknownst to Leah or anyone else. On January 3rd, 2005, I penned these words: For now, we must have faith that [God] alone, in His infinite wisdom, will bless us when he sees fit.

Feb '05 - Fertility meds start, but they don't increase the level enough for Dr. Bannister's liking. She wants to increase the dose.

March '05 - Hormone level is great, which means conditions are favorable (sounds like I'm predicting snow, doesn't it?!) At the end of the month (I think it was the 30th), Leah takes a pregnancy test. The first, main, test line is there. There is a VERY faint 2nd line that you almost can't read. Of course, we're not sure what to think. Actually, I think we weren't optimistic. Shouldn't it be more distinct? Maybe it's a glitch in the test. OK, maybe there's a chance, but we doubt it.

April '05 - Another test a couple of days later. We show it to Joe and Kristi, the old veterans at this point, to get their opinion. They pretty much say, "Dude...You're there. The kick is up....and it's GOOD!!!" OK, they didn't say that. I think that's pretty much when we starting thinking that it was real. Another test 2 days later, and the line has gotten darker. Guarded optimism and excitement set in. Doctor's appointment confirms everything, and we host a celebratory cookout at our house for the grandparents-to-be.

July '05 - Ultrasound--It's a boy!!

October '05 - Bring on the showers! Baby showers, that is.

November '05 - Nicholas arrives.

Obviously a lot of this, from positive test on, is detailed more in this blog. But in case you joined this blog late in the game, or perhaps didn't have any idea, I just wanted to share. Not to say, "Poor me," but maybe if I ever gave an impersonal, pithy response when you asked, "So, when are you'll gonna have a baby?" then that's why. One of the hardest things to do was put on a happy face and say something like "I don't know...we're trying" but wanting so much to go through an in-depth explanation about why the results weren't there. But that was never an option, really. An innocent question shouldn't get a guilt-inducing response. But the journey was a tough one. Actually, the same could be said for both Kristi and Stacy. So not only was childbirth a miracle for the 3 of them, but it was the end of a hard, emotion-affecting road. God has truly blessed our 3 families, that's for sure.

Thank you, Lord, for blessing us. For showing us the true picture of unconditional love by giving us someone who, according to you, is made in your image. Your expanse of heaven loaned the earth 3 very dear angels on August 17, September 15, and November 21, and for that, I know 6 people that are eternally thankful.

Christmas '05

Wow, I really neglected Nicholas's blog over the last couple of weeks, haven't I? I thought I'd provide a bit of a holiday recap. Obviously the holidays were that much more meaningful to us this year, but at the same time, Nicholas, being 5 weeks old and all, couldn't exactly take it all in and provide tons of Christmas morning memories. But those will come, for sure.

Christmas Eve afternoon, we went to Leah's Grandmama's house to do gifts and stuff with that side of the family. That includes Leah's Uncle Walter (aka 'Bubba') as well as her cousin Ashley and husband J. Sadly, the holidays are usually one of the only times she sees Ashley, but I guess that's what holidays are for, huh? A funny anecdote about Leah's Grandmama. In years past, she has "abbreviated" the "Grandmama" on Christmas tags as "Gmama." Well, this year, there's another generation to reference, so to Nicholas, she would be great-grandmama. In keeping with the abbreviation convention, she appropriately followed suit: GGmama. It's kinda stuck, and she likes it (as silly as it sounds). So now, I think she's kinda taking a liking to being referred to as "GGmama."

After leaving there, we went over to Kristi and Joe's, to do gifts and stuff with my dad's side of the family. My step-mom has family down in the Delta area of Mississippi, so they would be leaving Christmas morning to go down there. Once Leah got pregnant, and Kristi was about 16 weeks ahead of her, we've been anticipating this Christmas as being very different but very fun. Again, I'm sure there are lots of memories in store as they get older, but it was fun to have two newbies in the room with "Baby's 1st Christmas" outfits and bibs on. By the way, Steve has some pictures of the event over at his picture page. We got a couple of other pictures of Micah and Nicholas "standing" side by side...hopefully those will come out looking all cute and adorable.

Christmas morning, Leah and I chilled out for awhile and just spent some time together. Actually, it was kinda nice. Then, we went over to her parents' house to the meal and presents with them. That morning, as well as for the last couple of weeks, I found myself really thinking about the Christmases of the future--Santa, shopping for the big, main gift that Nicholas just has to have, and his eyes lighting up when he opens a present and sees that it's something he's been asking for since July. Not that I want him to grow up too fast, but the early stages of parenthood are nothing more than fixing bottles and changing diapers (oh yeah, and trying to remember what 8 hours of sleep feels like). Anyway, we chilled out there for awhile and some of us probably drifted off for a little cat nap. Then it was off to my mom's to eat again and do presents with her and Tony. Normally, we would've been off to my aunt's house (i.e., Mom's sister) to do stuff with my aunt, uncle, Granny, and 3 cousins' families, but we weren't included in their stuff this year. Who knows why. Oh well.

It was late Christmas night that I think the last couple of days began to take its toll on Nicholas. He was very, very fussy and almost unconsolable. He had eaten, he wasn't wet or dirty, and he was very fussy. They tell you that babies can be overstimulated, I think he was there. There haven't been many times that Leah and I have felt helpless, in a sense of "What's wrong with him? What do we do?" but that was certainly the case. Holding him didn't help. Changing positions didn't help. Walking around with him didn't, either. All the stuff that we know he likes, didn't. So eventually, we went home and endured a little more time of him fussing, but eventually, he retired for the night. Good thing Christmas comes around only once a year.

All in all, we had a great holiday. Certainly there are lots of memories rolled up into this one, but almost everybody we spent time with commented that next year will be a lot more exciting for him. Of course, it'll be then that we'll be looking back at this year's pictures and saying stuff like, "It's hard to believe he was ever that small!"

To My Child

A co-worker sent this to me, and I thought I'd share. Four weeks or four months or four years ago, this would've been just a sweet little email. But now, it's so much more.
=======

To My Child

* Just for this morning, I am going to smile when I see your face and laugh when I feel like crying.
* Just for this morning, I will let you choose what you want to wear, and smile and say how perfect it is.
* Just for this morning, I am going to step over the laundry, and pick you up and take you to the park to play.
* Just for this morning, I will leave the dishes in the sink, and let you teach me how to put that puzzle of yours together.
* Just for this afternoon, I will unplug the telephone and keep the computer off, and sit with you in the backyard and blow bubbles..
* Just for this afternoon, I will not yell once, not even a tiny grumble when you scream and whine for the ice cream truck, and I will buy you one if he comes by.
* Just for this afternoon, I won't worry about what you are going to be when you grow up, or second guess every decision I have made where you are concerned.
* Just for this afternoon, I will let you help me bake cookies, and I won't stand over you trying to fix them.
* Just for this afternoon, I will take us to McDonald's and buy us both a Happy Meal so you can have both toys..
* Just for this evening, I will hold you in my arms and tell you a story about how you were born and how much I love you.
* Just for this evening, I will let you splash in the tub and not get angry.
* Just for this evening, I will let you stay up late while we sit on the porch and count all the stars.
* Just for this evening, I will snuggle beside you for hours, and miss my favorite TV shows.
* Just for this evening when I run my finger through your hair as you pray, I will simply be grateful that God has given me the greatest gift ever given.

And when I kiss you good night I will hold you a little tighter, a little longer. It is then, that I will thank God for you, and ask him for nothing, except one more day..............