Back to the Routine

Well, today was the day that both of us had pretty much been dreading since the minute Nicholas was born--dropping him off at a sitter's house.

Leah's 6 weeks were up, and she received clearance last week to return to work this week. Yesterday was a holiday, so today was the first day of her work week. In addition, the tellers have to be there earlier than normal following a holiday because of more things to do and count and such since they weren't open for business the day before. What does all this mean? Mommy went straight to work, and Daddy got to take the little man to his new daytime home.

I must say that it was tougher than I thought it would be. Even though I was driving a different route, and I knew that Nicholas was in the back seat, I don't think my heart really got the memo. It really and truly didn't kick in until I turned into the subdivision. Yes, we've left him with someone for more than 8-10 hours before, but this just seemed different. I thought about how the morning routine is now forever changed....I guess after time it will be the "norm", but for now it seems weird. We're now committed to a whole new set of expenses in the form of childcare. I wonder how that's gonna affect our checkbook. All these things were running through my mind as I drove the few extra miles to the sitter's house.

Obviously this morning's introduction won't occur every day--she asked if he slept on his back or tummy, and things like that. I told her that he doesn't have to have warm formula (room temperature is OK), he likes sleeping on his side, and it's perfectly OK to lay him down and let him fall asleep on his own. She will soon learn his personality and all of his little signals, quirks, and nuances. But it felt like I was trying to sum up the last 6 weeks of experience in a short, 5-minute introduction to our son. Leah and I feel like we have an "easy" baby--he isn't hard to please and as long as he's clean/dry and full, he's pretty low-maintenance and not hard to please. She said that it seems like she's gotten lucky with all of these easy-to-care-for babies, and I hope that she still agrees with that in about 6 month's time.

So after all the introductions and instructions came the hard part: leaving. I guess I kinda figured that my masculinity would trump fatherhood, and that I'd "be a man" and walk casually out of the door. Well, parenthood does funny things to your emotions, I've learned. As she held him, I leaned over and kissed him on the head like I had done 30 times (at least) this morning already. I told him I loved him and that his mommy would pick him up later, as if he could understand every syllable. I was fighting back tears at that point, and I knew I had to leave. Today is the hardest, I told myself, because from now on, I'll have the experience of having done it before. I walked out of the door and started the short journey to my truck which seemed like it was a mile long. I had a very short, but very sad cry. I was leaving our baby. All along, we knew it was coming. But nothing can ever prepare you for it. I can hardly wait until he's old enough to understand where he's going, and maybe even look forward to his little set of friends that he'll have over there. And that the reason he's going there is because Mom and Dad have to work in order to pay for our house with his room and his jungle gym with slide and a little pool to splash around when it's hot. Those conversations are a long ways off, I know. But for now, I just hope that he understands, isn't too shocked by his new surroundings, and knows how very, very much Leah and I adore and love him.